I had landed a job that I thought would bring joy and contentment. The Lord has whispered to me not to take it, but I didn't listen. My husband had been laid off and we really needed the income. It was the worst decision I think I had ever made. From the first day I sensed problems but I dismissed them as insecurities. It grew in intensity daily. I tried to build relationships with my co-workers and supervisor, but they had already made up their minds about my job performance.
I was in crisis, I could not stand the atmosphere but I needed the income. I was crying out to God, but he wasn’t bringing things together the way I expected. I could hear His instruction, but I wasn't obeying. I just wanted it my way. I wanted the people at work to shut up, I wanted my husband's job restored and I wanted God to agree with me. It just wasn't happening.
Finally he got my attention and dealt with my sinful attitude that my attention was on the things of this world and not on Him. Then he spoke to my heart that I was operating out of fear and desperation and not out of faith. Although my mind didn’t think it, my heart was operating in a “works” mentality. I was trying to earn God’s favor by things I did-that’s all wrong. His love is unconditional – I was the one putting conditions on it.
I was so convicted and I immediately confessed that horrible sinful attitude. I knew I had disobeyed God by taking that job and now it was time to make it right. As soon as I made the decision to give notice at my job, I was immediately set free. It was an amazing sense of freedom. I had to place my trust in the Lord and not in my own abilities.